English Breakfast: a Progression

England and several other of the countries in the UK have come to consensus on what ought to be served for breakfast. The meal is highly modular, so different components can be substituted in and out, but the general list is as follows:

• 1 Egg, sunny side up
  
• (Canadian) bacon
• 1 Bland sausage
• Baked beans
• Hash browns (highly unpredictable)
• Toast (cracking good)
  
• Cooked tomatoes (nasty)
  
• Mushrooms

On my trip to Edinburgh last weekend, which I will cover in full detail in a future update, I was treated to a lovely spectrum of English breakfasts in ascending order of quality.

Breakfast 1: Bus Station Blues
Though all my fellow students bound for Edinburgh took the train, I got stuck relying on the British bus system for no good reason. You see, after a refreshing jog to the train station, probably through the rain, I ambled up to the ticket window. Behind a thick glass window is a soft spoken old man with a thick accent and a strong distaste for speaking into the microphone at his elbow. He prefers not to give useful feedback about requests and is not disposed toward problem solving. He has never heard of the 12 hour clock and seems fairly confused and offended by the concept. I was told in error that the train I wanted was booked.

The consequence: I find myself friendless at a terribly small and dirty bus station at midnight. My connecting bus arrived in an hour, and I was struggling to stay awake, so I decided to order myself a hearty meal. You can't see the whole thing because this photograph was motivated by feelings of violent regret. This is the bottom rung on the ladder of English breakfasts, and it probably cost me the most money. The free market doesn't work too well at run-down bus stations in the middle of nowhere.

Breakfast 2: Dauntless
At 8:00 in the morning, I stumbled off the bus with about four hours of sleep to my name. I found a map and made a lovely girl point out Cockburn street for me. Then I tried to keep said map out of the rain as I navigated off to find my friends. I had the address to the wrong hostel, but I helped a nice lady move her cart, and she pointed me in the right direction. I was hoping to be rewarded with magic gauntlets or a treasure map or something, because that's how it works in videogames, but I'll take what I can get.

Successfully reunited, it's time for breakfast. English breakfast! I bashed through a giant wall of operant conditioning and ordered one up. When this warm and slightly blurry plate was set down in front of me, I felt my hope rekindled. Indeed, the meal wasn't half bad, and that soupy baked bean goodness really hit the spot. This breakfast ranks a thankful intermediate.

Breakfast 3: Haggis Heroes
The third breakfast came with a side of expeditionary bravado. Not only did it come with haggis, but the meal was the preamble to my spontaneous mountain climbing plan. While touring a castle the day prior, I saw a really cool hill-mountain-thing off in the distance, and declared that I was going to walk to it and then climb on top of it. I captured the imaginations of two others, and this grand adventure was set in stone. Time for a breakfast of champions. Better make it an English breakfast.

I tried the haggis because I'm not "a total 100% coward- wuss- pantywaist- mollycoddle- scaredy cat." Wilton says that's what I'd be if I didn't, and I can't help but agree. Now, this meal was just excellent. Look at that presentation! Delicious tater-tot style hash browns! I actually enjoyed the haggis! This was glory on a plate, my friends, and it prepared me well for the task ahead, but that's a story for another day. English breakfast is permanently redeemed.*

*Except the cooked tomatoes. Preposterous.